Comment on Literary Agent Picture Book Query Letter by David Law.
Families greedy goat or family’s greedy goat– first line.
Thank you, thank you, thank you Brandon for catching this AND for taking the time to comment.
I made the mistake three times in one query letter, I have a feeling had I sent it out the agents would have noticed!
The offending Families vs Family’s grammar mistakes:
The Addison families (should be family’s) greedy goat has stolen a button from a coat, ruined Mom’s cherished wedding things and of course munched on Dad’s new toupee. Dad now looks like a funky punk and has had enough, That Greedy Goat Just Cannot Stay!
Follow the families (should be family’s) hilarious adventure as they fail to re-home their greedy goat at a farm, petting zoo, old junk yard and a garden with a moat. On the verge of giving up the goat finds it’s place in the world as a hair stylist to royalty in a nice boutique.
A simple storyline about a greedy goat, BUT the illustrations paint a different picture. Yes, the goat eats flowers and hair, but he is wrongly accused of taking the button, Mom’s wedding things and most of the ensuing chaos. The goat is a patsy, a dupe, a scapegoat if you will, the real culprit is the families (should be family’s) cunning sheep!
A thought provoking story with a twist at the end that will appeal to parents and children (ages 4-8) who love read aloud rhyming picture books.
This is a simultaneous submission, the full 461 word manuscript is below, with a link to example illustrations below the MS.
Embrace your mistakes and learn from them. Oh and make friends with people who are better at grammar than you :-)