Got a rewrite/update of our first picture book query/pitch letter for That Greedy Goat Just Cannot Stay, or Where Has All Our Stuff Gone? The first version can still be found at Literary Agent Picture Book Query Letter (didn’t send the other version to any agents).

Update: All five literary agent query letters.

That Greedy Goat Just Cannot Stay Rough Illustration 2

That Greedy Goat Just Cannot Stay Rough Illustration 2 -by Marie Law-

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I wanted to fill the query with jokes and funny stuff, but have to hold back. I had to write this out 100 times to stop myself :-)

A picture book pitch to a literary agent is supposed to be professional not an excuse to make funny one liners.
A picture book pitch to a literary agent is supposed to be professional not an excuse to make funny one liners.
A picture book pitch to a literary agent is supposed to be professional not an excuse to make funny one liners.

That Greedy Goat Just Cannot Stay! PB Query Letter


Email Subject – Query : That Greedy Goat Just Cannot Stay!

Dear Mr/Mrs/Ms. Agent Name,

The Addison family’s greedy goat has stolen a button from a coat, ruined Mom’s cherished wedding things and of course munched on Dad’s new toupee. The toupee was a disaster to begin with, Elvis was so last century, but Dad now looks like a funky punk and has had enough. Yes, the goat was useful for disposing of Great Aunt Matilda’s itchy knitted Christmas jumpers, but that greedy goat just cannot stay!

Follow the family’s hilarious adventure as they fail to re-home their greedy goat at a farm, petting zoo, old junk yard and a garden with a moat. After another hair munching incident, this time with the poor gardener’s prized mustache, they are on the verge of giving up! Fate intervenes (AKA: a lady runs out of a shop to inspect Dad’s amazing funky punk hair style) and the goat finally finds it’s place in the world as a hair stylist to royalty and the rich and famous.

A simple storyline about a greedy goat, BUT the illustrations paint a different picture. The goat eats flowers and hair, everybody knows goats love munching hair. However, he is wrongly accused of taking the button, Mom’s wedding things and most of the ensuing chaos. The goat is a patsy, a dupe, a scapegoat if you will, the real culprit is the family’s cunning sheep!

A thought provoking story with a twist at the end that will appeal to parents and children (ages 4-8) who love read aloud picture books.

The full 461 word manuscript is below (link to example illustrations below the MS).

— The Manuscript —
Full manuscript text here…
— end —

Example illustrations for That Greedy Goat at:

URL to private webpage just for agents.
Password: ####

See more examples of Marie’s illustrations at http://md-law.classic-literature.co.uk/art-by-marie-law/

This is a simultaneous submission and is one of five complete PB manuscripts by Marie and David Law.

Although we are looking to build a long term career as an author/illustrator couple, we are flexible with how our manuscripts are published. We wouldn’t have a problem with other illustrators illustrating a project if a publisher is only interested in the manuscript text.

Whatever you decide we would like to thank you for being part of our life long goal to include a scapegoat pun in a literary agent query. Our next bucket list item is a bit more problematic, how to tell the Queen of England a knock, knock joke which makes her laugh out loud?

Marie and David Law

Contact Details
Address etc… here


Below are Marie’s example rough illustrations (from the webpage for agents), they are in different styles, we like the middle style best.

It’s got longer than the earlier version at Literary Agent Picture Book Query Letter and IMO is much funnier.

It’s weird how the mind links things together, the bit about “Great Aunt Matilda’s itchy knitted Christmas jumpers” is related to one of Marie’s practice pen drawings:

Great Aunt Matilda and the Tearaway Twins Pen Drawing

Great Aunt Matilda and the Tearaway Twins Pen Drawing -by Marie Law-

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And a more detailed practice illustration Marie is working on (unfinished) of Great Aunt Matilda knitting with sheep wool (it’s a really funny illustration). Great Aunt Matilda isn’t even part of the Greedy Goat picture book manuscript and wasn’t planned to be in any of the books illustrations (who knows now :-))

I have a feeling it’s only a matter of time before we think of a story for Great Aunt Matilda :-)

Below are some of Marie’s quick pencil sketches for That Greedy Goat.

That Greedy Goat Just Cannot Stay! PB Query Letter Update

Rewrote the query to make it shorter.

Important points.

Discovered when authors had to query via snail mail it was customary to capitalize book titles so they stand out. The agent can quickly scan the email for the title of the book THAT GREEDY GOAT JUST CANNOT STAY, OR WHERE HAS ALL OUR STUFF GONE!

Always use Dear Ms. for women even if you know their marital status.

Add your contact details at the bottom, not the top like a normal business letter.


Email Subject – Query : THAT GREEDY GOAT JUST CANNOT STAY, OR WHERE HAS ALL OUR STUFF GONE!

Dear Ms. Agent Name or Mr. Agent Name:

**** If I can find something to add here for the specific agent, will add here. For example books the agent represented that are similar to the queried manuscript. ****

PB Title Pitched : THAT GREEDY GOAT JUST CANNOT STAY, OR WHERE HAS ALL OUR STUFF GONE!
Word Count : 461 Words
Genre : Children’s Animals Books – Ages 4-8 yrs
Authors : Marie and David Law
Illustrator : Marie Law – sample illustrations http://md-law.classic-literature.co.uk/?agent-query Password : ############

The Addison family’s greedy goat has munched on Dad’s new toupee, he now looks like a funky punk and has had enough, that greedy goat just cannot stay! Follow the family’s hilarious adventure as they fail to re-home the goat, until after another hair munching incident the goat finally finds it’s place in the world as a hair stylist to royalty.

A story about a greedy goat not fitting in, but the illustrations paint a different picture. The goat was wrongly accused, he is a patsy, a dupe, a scapegoat if you will, the real culprit is the family’s cunning sheep!

A thought provoking story with a twist that will appeal to parents and children who love read aloud rhyming picture books.

— The Full Manuscript —
Full manuscript text here…
— end —

More examples of Marie’s Art: http://md-law.classic-literature.co.uk/art-by-marie-law/

Although we are looking to build a long term career as an author/illustrator couple, we are flexible with how our manuscripts are published. We wouldn’t have a problem with other artists illustrating a project if a publisher is only interested in the manuscript text.

This is a simultaneous submission to a small number of agents and is one of five complete PB manuscripts. We are currently working on three wordless picture books and one nearly wordless, all in very early development.

Whatever you decide we would like to thank you for being part of our life long goal to include a scapegoat pun in a literary agent query. Our next bucket list item is a bit more problematic, how to tell the Queen of England a knock, knock joke that makes her laugh out loud?

Contact Details
Marie Law and David Law – 26 Wainfleet Road, Skegness, United Kingdom PE25 3QP.
Tel: +44 ### email: ####

David Law

About Us: http://md-law.classic-literature.co.uk/about-m-d-law/
FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/david.c.law
Twitter: https://twitter.com/DavidLaw


Literary Agent Query Letters